The Roles of Culture Differences in Couples Therapy

When it comes to relationships, culture plays crucial roles in how we show up for one another. In essence, culture is the set of beliefs, values, customs, and practices a group shares. It shapes how couples communicate, interact, and relate to each other. In this post, we examine the roles of cultural differences in couple therapy.

* Disclaimer: this blog talks about relationships with two partners but please note that this can also be applied to polygamous  relationships.

A Closer Look at Culture Differences

Culture can impact couples’ communication in many ways. For example, different cultures may have different communication styles, such as direct or indirect communication. This can lead to misunderstandings and misinterpretations of the intended message. Additionally, cultural differences can affect how couples express emotions, resolve conflicts, and make decisions.

Other cultural dynamics affecting couples include gender roles, family values, and religious beliefs. For instance, in some cultures, men are expected to be the sole breadwinners, while women are responsible for domestic duties. These gender roles can lead to conflicts if one partner feels they are not treated fairly. 

In some cultures, family values are highly emphasized, and couples may feel pressure to prioritize the needs of their families over their own relationships. Religious beliefs can also play a role in couples’ relationships, mainly if partners come from different religious backgrounds.

Couple Therapy as a Tool for Addressing Cultural Differences

Couple therapy can be a valuable tool for addressing cultural differences in relationships. Therapists can provide a framework for working through cultural issues, such as identifying conflict areas, exploring each partner’s perspective, and developing communication and conflict resolution strategies.

When cultural background is used as an advantage, couples can learn from each other’s cultures and use their unique backgrounds to strengthen their relationship. For example, couples may share different customs and traditions that they can incorporate into their relationship. This can help to create a deeper understanding and appreciation of each other’s cultural heritage.

This requires having conversations about how our culture has shaped our beliefs, our values and how we show up. Couples therapists can help you have those conversations in a way that feels meaningful and moves the conversation to a deeper level of understanding. Therapy can also help us self reflect and explore so we can bring more awareness in our relationship of why certain topics (i.e. money, roles, how we express love, etc) feel more important than others to us.  

Challenges with Cultural Differences in Couple Therapy

It is important to recognize that in order to have conversations around culture, we need a therapist that practices cultural sensitivity and cultural humility. If your therapist doesn’t have experience working with interracial couples and you are one, it may be important to ask their comfort level on having conversations about cultural differences. 

I’m not suggesting that therapists who identify differently from you culturally cannot work with you but it may be important to figure out if they’re willing to have conversations around this topic in therapy. 

Another thing that can pose a challenge if there are cultural differences, is their conversations on how each individuals’ needs will be met in therapy. For instance, if one of you is comfortable talking but the other is not, it'll be important for the therapist to set some guidelines on creating space for both parties. 

It’ll also be important for the therapist to name cultural differences when they show up for the couple to better understand one another. This helps them understand why you make a particular decision in a particular way vs. your partner. It also allows therapists to highlight what are the shared values for you as a couple and where the differences are in values. This helps you come together as a couple in figuring out how you compliment one another with those differences. 

Navigating Cultural Differences in Couple Therapy

Talking about cultural differences can bring up emotions especially when we feel that there has been miscommunication in our relationship because of it. However, those differences can be an opportunity to grow and strengthen our bond when we allow ourselves to understand each other’s lived experiences. Different doesn’t have to mean ‘bad’ because different can also be new and a way to further our connection with each other. 

Seeking couples therapy can be the ‘soft landing pad’ we all need to navigate these challenging conversations with compassion and in a way that allows both parties to feel safe to share their stories with each other.